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Masters Copy

by Hello Whirled

/
1.
I face the sun and watch it glow like any other star It lights up the sky like a painting that I know I’ve seen before I face the moon and watch it sit like any other rock And it starts to feel like nothing really matters anymore Caught in the gears of a fierce loop wherein I’m a test And I’m thrown to time who lets its forces do the rest This is not the first time that I’ve been trapped in this strife This is not the first try that I’ve had to carry out a life Doomed to always stop one day short of 23 Sacrifice my interest and watch my fate spoonfeed me FEAR! There are two moons where I stand I am the night in Pio’s hands I am a star upon the waves So seen but all so far away I am a harbinger of nothing Nothing like the clues I have I am a martyr, for surely Something needs this Something needs this FEAR! And I must assume it happens more than once And as the waves crash over what could have once been my body I wonder to the spirits “why the hell did no one think to stop me?” I am a restless soul, on clouds of dust I fly But in a moment of illusion I allow myself to die So what brings me back? Have my prayers gone unheard? Is it blasphemous to curse the souls That filter out my words? I am a star upon the waves I will cry for help for days There are secrets to my ways In that I don’t know either why I came back
2.
The end is imminent And I can’t hide my discontent Wonder where all this time went I can’t help being recalcitrant Cause when you feel your agency taken away And all the heart is sucked out and you know you’ll never stay here Avoidance is the closest thing we have to human nature And the cause is a loss of free will, in suggestion of absence I feel my blood thin out into nothing more than red water And bones begin to crumble into vicious dust I can’t move, trapped in air I call for help that isn’t there I’ve been through this all once before But I cling to hope there won’t be more Where something lives, something dies Where one retires, one more resigns A piece to fill for puzzled earth A heart attack is just old birth When something sends, one receives When one hooray’s, something grieves The mind is emptied, the body is cleansed The soul resets
3.
I arise with brand new eyes I arrive a brand new life I appear in brand new spirits I perceive but I can’t hear it coming yet Hold me as I learn to walk Test me as I learn to talk Push me as I learn to slide Find me as I learn to hide, but I don’t know why Or what from Or how come I know the answer but I can’t find the questions I don’t know how to do anything right Where is the tunnel? I can’t find the light I should know better but square one has got me fucked I have the sense to be a freer man but locked into a mind not fully grown And for the first time in this short but endless life I realize that somehow I have no control I should feel much worse about repeating birth three times But inexplicably I think I can let it slide Surrender to time
4.
As life goes on I lose the will To keep holding on To stand so still It will always happen again You can say that life’s a game when you’re winning No more time to wait for the end Just let it happen once you stop singing The praises of eternal life It’s not that simple, and I’ll never get it But if it’s inevitable I can game/match/set caution to the wind and forget it Until it’s time to blow back in my face As death comes forth I take my pride Leave it ignored And stay on the ride It’s not denial when I know it’s coming Just won’t let it ruin a good time It stings I’m going out But at least I’m doing it in my prime It will always happen again So why act like so much more is coming? Finish line’s at the same point forever It’s not a race so why try running From the winds of cold dark change come storms of real fear I can’t keep lying to myself, I don’t love it here But I can tell myself that one day I’ll leave and I’ll always know which I do not fear death! I do not fear! I can’t help but shake this feeling that I’m lying to myself. Of course I fear death. I can say I’ve overcome it all I want but at the end of the day I’m going to keep starting over for the rest of eternity. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, and I’m too tired to figure out why it happened. Maybe I’m just too apathetic to be scared.
5.
08:05
I do not accept this fate But I cannot escape it So I am doomed to repeat it I know there’s no survival Awaiting the arrival Of my next revival Everything matters That’s why it hurts to let go And when the windows shatter That’s when I’ll know That I’ve lost a battle I wasn’t really fighting And I grow a little Precisely when they drop the lighting On me And in these last moments I wonder what awaits me at the gates And on forever Death opens the door And lays down a carpet And turns the hall light off And holds my hand as we lock the door

credits

released December 3, 2021

A story.

Music recorded on 4-track tape.
Vocals recorded on a computer.

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Hello Whirled Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Album count: 49.
Release count: 137.
Song count: 1447.

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