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Quartered

by Hello Whirled

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1.
Learning 04:20 video
let me think this over let me think this through I’m done falling over leave the rest to you what the hell are mistakes I always do it right not learning for a second time what more lies could I shake out of my sack tired of all this baggage on my back I’m done with everything waiting for the prime excuse to retreat find my flag to accept defeat I just feel like sleeping watch the sunset die I’m too dead for dreaming watch the starless sky what the hell are “off days”? I swear I’m doing fine don’t need to get out, clear my mind why’s the problem always what I could be doing and not what I’ve already done? don’t feel like anything’s gonna be the right course of action spreading lives for traction
2.
sun beckons the early morning sheet’s on the floor and the body not too far hopeful enough to leave it not trusting enough to believe it well I’m sure there’s a light at the end of the funnel glaring at me from the entrance of the tunnel I’m just not ready to take it but maybe the world will accept me if I fake it I don’t stress myself about it I would be nowhere without it wouldn’t mean shit if I didn’t allow it don’t stress myself about it I would be nowhere without it suck it up and face the danger skin crawling and curtains falling I’m almost blind but for now I’m stalling in this moment it feels like a prison locked inside a sunset prism well I long for the day when without purity it feels more like a gated community as if it already isn’t it isn’t but soon (gotta keep my eyes closed)
3.
it was a breezy summer long days outside with the wind making great observations a light association alone one day you met me here on the orange hill where skies were clear making great conversation a furthering relationship sailing out into the ocean of trust whatever you want to whatever you want to anything you want to be whatever you want to whatever you want to is there anything else you need from me just remember the imperfections autumn was a warmer time no hill, we stayed by the line sharing stories and drinks making us always think we’d be fine war came around and they took you away to an army base where you had to stay overlooking a cross and a bloodthirsty boss and a fear of ever looking back whatever you want to whatever you want to falsified truths with no courage and slack whenever you want to however you want to I’ll always have this heart with your name on the back just remember me in perfection they trained you to stay cold in the face of feeling they told you it only mattered if the pose you took was kneeling I hope you come home one day with hopefully a lot to say and ideally you’d like to stay and I’ll remember the imperfections
4.
Vibrator 02:12
pressure building up for days can't hold back to stay away slowly approaching the golden low shaking inside really want to hide stretched out my hand to take a shot but I think the effort died you don't know how much you care until she's really there long internal struggle to see if I'm too scared to accept that there was zero chance to avoid the sweet dead air a quick decision to be made could have stayed silent and stayed away I thought by now I’d have matured I thought I could have finally learned open arms to greet a friend if I’m willing to pretend she doesn’t care why should I mind? it wouldn't be the first time that I let bad faith combine but it's okay I’ll see her another day what feels like Rubicon for me doesn’t really have to be at all now the vibrating can die don't have to say goodbye
5.
open up your eyes if you’re not surprised you might be dying come and follow my lead if you don’t want to miss it go in the wrong way drive in the wrong lane pick up the wrong date following the wrong girl she’s a daughter of the Scion dealership one day it dawns on you it’s been years and you’re not living she won’t notice it but she’s nonetheless forgiving go in the wrong way drive in the wrong lane pick up the wrong date following the wrong girl in the wrong world how didn’t you know how didn’t you know you tied yourself down with restrictions you put on yourself and now you’re growing old with wasted gold on her sitting unfulfilled not worth the grand parade she gives you open up your eyes they told no lies but they’re really stretching the truth if you follow my lead, you'll understand it all go in the wrong way drive in the wrong lane pick up the wrong date following the wrong girl in the wrong world she’s a daughter of the Scion dealership
6.
Old Love 05:16
I sense you’re holding something back something I’ll never get to know you’re falling far from the converge there’s nothing angry yet I haven’t heard what’s the bad news you’re saving? is it old love you’re craving? times change, honey, is it worth it to quit? holding in every line but you can’t stop time you changed, honey, so I’m taking the hint you can take your chance and stay with me or you can pick the right choice and be free nothing I can do to make you see anything other than the truth you’re staying up much later now not doing anything, just sitting down it’s clear to me you’re tired of the same but am I the one to pick up all the blame? what’s the bad news you’re saving? is it old love you’re craving? it’s not funny when you sleep in my bed holding in every line but you can’t stop time words mean something when you’re silent instead used to be a happy two you turned to stone I don’t know you what happened, dear, it’s not that clear a sentence might be fitting here came together in better times now we’re just two parallel lines headed for a slow decline in perpetual motion I used up my chance to stay with you clearly that was the wrong thing to do nothing I can do to make you see anything other than the truth
7.
I’m seeing strange things that I’m led to believe will make me feel better but somehow it‘s worse I’m finally on your level but I’m ready to leave it feels like a blessing but it’s more of a curse too bright for midnight border surrounds like a moonbeam feeling of defeat like a crimson truce planting the third seed nothing to believe in but the friends who know you well to turn the lights out other side of the wall, but I lie in doubt I know you’re right there but in my heart you’re a dream I’m feeling strange things that I’m led to believe I’ll get used to one day if I really try a differing connection where the senses deceive but I don’t know that it’s right for me too bright for midnight border surrounds like a moonbeam feeling of defeat like a crimson truce planting the third seed nothing to believe in but the friends who know you well to turn the lights out in spite of it all, I lie in doubt in body you’re right there but in my mind you’re a dream
8.
mistaken for good person thought I was okay told them “get a vision test you need it today” might have been harsh but I think I was right I’ll always back down if you put up a fight I’ll never stand up for the things I defend I’ll keep looking down when the stairs descend surely they’re mistaken the wrong samaritan taken misguided halo these gates shouldn’t have to let me in error logged as fact made the wrong impact I’ve gotta run from heaven deep thinker writes his life of which he claims to be so much so much more than a hermit the one he deserves to be painted as what goes up means nothing down about as much use as a hole in the ground I’m looking forward but I can’t see ahead material skies of industrial lead
9.
land speed falling on the runway wrinkles slide with traction fired by employing heads martyrs for the faction cooler beds prevail over warm ones surreal but to the focus groups the charts line up logicians on their knees basted in Ancient Greece the thoughts gain traction all these seeds left planted but unwatered never blooming, always looming dry season is nigh as the clouds lie will the blinds close before the trees get high? wake up in the nursery eyes draw cursory winks at the climbing minks face planted on the windowsill not sure why it ate the pill sisters jailed in the cemetery, crying lens cap on and the verdict's wrong, he's lying gas mask cut in half sits slowly heating grabbed the sisters' glowing hearts still beating
10.
the whites in her eyes keep me awake how much more do I have left to take? the sting that lights my dreams away to leave me with bad words to say a dreary faded pink silhouette diluted by my stark regret in retrospect, it hurt a lot but by now she's hopefully forgotten the shit we put each other through horrors I will never have shown to you desire to prolong the blue that worked too well and left too true a sign of the times is blinking and here I find myself thinking I hope her heart's not dead asleep in her king-sized water bed
11.
how lost a cause we have here all shaken up and paralyzed what once worked out has broken is waking up a hard time? my mouth’s so dry but I have to speak there’s action out there where talk is cheap aim for the heartbroken leave some on the side for the misspoken I’m not brave but it has to be said I don’t think I want to be dead but if given the choice between that and this it’d be harder than you’d think maybe one day my words won’t end in doubt maybe one day I’ll get to figure out this magic called approach as if I’ll ever find change without effort what a perfect day to die I hope my second thoughts will take control what a time to wonder why would they even let me think this much? wings of a fair weather flying up and never thinking “what if I look down?” one day I hope that I’ll be found wedged at an angle in the ground and they’ll wonder what the point of it all was
12.
up to speed with the stress at hand and at heart almost free from the anxious troubles presented at the start finally escaping the rust of the nervous nails hammered down by the ideals at large maybe this is my chance to shine take the reigning king and throw him by the wayside maybe this is my time to fly and watch from above what happens when you cleanse the world of love now to settle down it's time we talked of what's at stake I'll be gone tomorrow vanished by the time you'll be awake much too much at stake
13.
these days I wander too much space exploration and such so bitter out at nothing feel so frustrated something I don’t know where you are hit me with your car a sea of rust machines corroded reds and greens too bright to find the line of critical design of this I do resign help me draw this line I’ll say I’m doing fine hit me with your car
14.
caught the spark flying over your arm crying is something wrong? you know you can always come to me were the lights too bright? is it too dark tonight? I understand the best that I can do I need to take you home? I get what you mean when you say to me you need to head back to your reverie I’d ask to take me with you but I get why you say no I’ll wait by the fireplace of your warmth where everybody thinks you’re cold my paper heart queen, I know what I’ve seen I don’t want to watch you fold last night I found you staring at the basement light no words, just faces as if you and the world were different places how’s the head? is it another week of almost dead? I’m here for you but if you don’t say something, I won’t know what to do
15.
I still feel like a child, need my mother to hold my hand bottled up isn’t right, wish I could cry on command can’t just like my choices when those who made the same complain can’t be content with anything with this tumor they call my brain I swear I can feel my muscles contract already if my soul was ready to leave I wouldn’t ask it to stay oh I suppose I’d finally learn if I collapsed first rock bottom’s only a heartbeat away know I should just go to bed, staying up won’t help a thing overthinking it all, too focused yet forgetting once at peace with the world, though I know it’s not worth that right now once at peace with myself, just keep saying I earned it somehow
16.
in the beginning there was something undeniably a sense of one where unity and love spread out like harmony and made this mere existence kinda fun circles of people living happily like ripples from the sacred pond no words explained this sort of closeness but nonetheless they shared this sacred bond one day their bodies thought to vibrate and with the rhythm, played along who would complain about a little dance to go with pleasant little song? as days stretched on the weeks felt longer and longer the sun stopped rising every night as bones cracked, bodies dragged into the dark forest with every candle burning bright one little future one little hand one little guiding light to put them in this trance something in the soil? something in the water? in the beginning there was something but now it’s just a slow dance what I’d give to be them no need to worry if I’m ready to die it’s hard to feel okay at this hour but in our sleep we fly you never think you’d burn out so hard you never think you’d burn out so hard but they’re the kind of people you’d let sleep in your backyard and yet I’m starting to feel like deforestation like it’s finally time to burn it all to the ground leaving nothing behind as I’d found find the long-coveted mental break, run into the woods I don’t feel okay I don’t know if I want to I’m not all right here but will it ever get better? I’m not sure I don’t want to be can’t improve the situation only looking out for me open your mind - but just a little bit wouldn’t want to get some good ideas in open your mind - but just a little bit an empty room’s a mighty tomb for every little inspiration I almost don’t want to know the eulogies they’d make as if I did anything right to be remembered by or would they just point and laugh at my funeral? as we walk further into the night we lose track of what feels right and it drags on further until I’m not strong my heart’s still beating but the rhythm is gone barely crawling as I beg for sleep not a desire most find deep but as I walk closer, slowly, to my bed I almost hope suddenly I’ll find myself dead no matter what the situation calls for I’ll almost always hope for a collapse like nothing can change unless it goes to shit first as if there’s nothing wrong with that I hope I’m happy when I wake up I don’t think I’m ready to die at an hour like this it’s hard to say grounded but in our sleep we fly one little future one little hand one little guiding light to put me in this trance something in the soil? something in the water? in the beginning there was something but now it’s just a slow dance

about

Equipment used: Yamaha SA500, some Epiphone acoustic, Gretsch bass with one pickup, a microphone I can't identify, Fender Rumble 25, a snare you can attach to the side of a cajon, Bugera V22, egg shakers, FunkBox for iPhone, some pedals that I will not list, Casio VL-1, my bathroom door, Tascam DP-008ex, at least one water bottle, might have a bit of GarageBand in there somewhere

Recorded in my bedroom at TCNJ, August to October 2019. Some songs were recorded as late as 1AM. I was not in an excellent place recording some of these and I think it's pretty obvious which ones those were. Others are based on, or are, older songs of mine that I thought deserved another chance.

Thanks to Danny Loos for telling me to put "Learning" first.

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Hello Whirled Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Album count: 49.
Release count: 137.
Song count: 1447.

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