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1. |
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it's been a long time, I'm sure you've changed, I hope you've changed
if not I'd have left you in the rain
and you'd have choked me with your chains
how many minutes are you never getting back?
thanks to numerous "large ego"-driven attacks
what lies in ruin that I claimed from light?
how many fears do I bring out alone at night?
are you invincible or just afraid?
that another man like me could leave your spirit numb and drained
is there a candle that once burned to give you day?
now it's been blown out and you're far away
watch the stars fall from the sky and into the arms of a more deserving individual like you and certainly not me
I am alone in a merciless world of my own creation where every cross is mine to bear
I can't feel my face anymore cause the holes are all that's there
I am floating in the water trying to escape what isn't gone
you are electric as you've always been to keep me from moving on
like the ghost I am, I hope that you feel free
and when you're dead, I hope you haunt the shit right out of me
I am lost to never find you as I'm doomed to always try
and when the sun sets on this useless mission I hope you watch me die
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2. |
Crown Of Fools
03:29
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powered on and unaware
that anything is changing
can't foresee a future
to bear an act worth staging
you'll wonder why I try
no room for adages here
the situation's unique
parables and platitudes and proverbs alike
if life's supposed to be a short breezy hike
then I left my backpack in the womb
give me a month, I'll be back soon
can't tell if it's fabric or blood
but I'm not sounding alarms
I'm not awaiting a flood
there should be cause for concern
but for now I'm burned
and too fogged up to learn
little rodent on a wheel
dying on the sidelines
triple-header's great for views but awful for sport
but if I don't finish something then I'm coming up short
surviving diatribe
and when the raven flies
and the motor dies
it won't be a surprise
they say ignorance is bliss
then I must be Sisyphus
from all these untold lies
get on!
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3. |
Route 999
02:27
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we met outside Sharps Bush to figure out what's coming next
a sudden pop emergency or a standard lovers test
the end was at our wits and we were losing strength by day
but our weakness meant we couldn't find the words to say
why can't I ever get a hold on you?
by candlelight we drew the line and wrote above it our prayers
witness to a miracle heralded by a crowd of flares
a flash of light, a cloud of mist, a gasp of awe, and
in the shadows I could tell that, somehow, you had suddenly gone
why can't I ever get a hold of you?
the town could gather all they wanted, there was never a chance
in hell or even heaven that you would surface soon
and so I held my head resigned that we could never make it work
but like a misty blue balloon I knew that one day you'd come back
one day the news said they'd found a body inside the First Town Mall
behind the stores where only employees walked to bring out hauls
of cardboard and paper and other waste for the dumpsters outside
and I hoped, that day, that every newscaster in the world had lied
I could have sworn you knew it true
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4. |
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there is a mural deep in Central Jersey
painted are the faces of the names we'll never know
it's not a call or even message, not to prove a point
it's just a grim reminder of connections that we'll never get to grow
I don't know how I'm gonna make it through the day
just that I owe many the simple right to see it come their way
what old roads should I paint over to make it to the other side?
do I need the aid of others to float up or simply glide?
it's a moral affliction, or as some know it "a conflict of interest"
it hangs and waits, back in the lobby as on stage the noise persists
the trust's not lost, but wouldn't it be easier with a clean slate?
and in the long run, does it matter? will the old guard be impressed when they give me scraps and I refuse to clean the plate
I'm not your example
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5. |
"There are walls..." #8
01:58
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there are walls
and very little
has escaped them
there exist
two survivors
both are losing
no windows
only one door
can't be opened
some have said
it's painted on
to inspire
and eventually crush
but the words
were relayed
by dead liars
so maybe
our survivors
can walk through walls
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6. |
There Goes My Guesswork
03:17
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the big Christian banks are pumping money into killing oil, what else is new?
and by killing I mean "it does" and not "they do" and definitely not "here to improve"
in any other zone or world or scene or universe it'd be clear wrong
but in this one spot in time in space in history they'll always be like "army strong"
in an another timeline I'm a great reporter gathering large piles of dirt
and the owners of the newspaper I write for watch me run and almost start to hurt
so they send out para-militaries, private and illegal, hired to hunt me down
forcing me to run across the law and make myself lost so I'm never found
love's a curious affair, I'll never understand it nor do wish to try
it's easier to wrap my head around why governments would let their people die
or an inexpensive vial of panacea has to be a tool for market price
and in building up green walls of flimsy paper, leave the empty-handed to force "play nice"
there goes my guesswork
honey dripping down the walls
blow my papers through the wind
and don't answer back my calls
never listening to what I have to say
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7. |
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the girls of Roselle Park are shedding their roses today
they won't be at the Platform North, they've chosen a South to stay
they love to see, graffiti on the trains
it means the youth of the war aren't living in strain
but the words, are falling apart
and the meanings aren't so gray, anymore
you can promise to the world to all who already hold it in their arms
scold another for alluding it may not need have to be this way
you're tired, I'm tired, in a world like this we're fired
but someone has to project an imaginary present where we need not be inspired, anymore
so the girls of Roselle Park are wearing crowns today
poppies and thorns for the rosaried few
and the king who came to stay
and the world, as falling apart
paint a faster picture than the ink can dry
and they try, but nobody stares
you could promise demonstrations but see, nobody cares
and the war, stood as a rail
finds the youthful hammer and gives it a nail
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8. |
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there is no life in these eyes
there are no eyes in this face
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9. |
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when you start your day, you hop in shower
when you go to work, you walk up tower
when you return home, you strive for power
when you need it more, you need it louder
and in your bed you're slowly sleeping less
and in your head you're always in a dress
and in your dreams you're quickly on the test
and in the bathroom always dogged by stress
if you feel the need, you feel it pounding
if you crave it still, you kneel, start shouting
if you notice more, claim overcrowding
if you hate it still, surround with grounding
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10. |
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she was raised a good girl for a world of care
her father worked for the church
her mother had a sticker on her car that said
"My Daughter Is A Proud Catholic Graduate"
and nothing in her future would stop her
she went off at 18 for the dreams she had
knew no matter what if she prayed she'd never feel bad
kept a cross on her wall
if Christ watched she'd never fall
one night her roommate had some friends over
and in a state of unknowing knocked it down
she came back shocked and boldly horrified
would God look at her like she did the cross on the ground?
and thus sparked a mental rebellion
a test to see if maybe she had been wrong
about how life was supposed to be lived
she still held onto her faith but not as tightly wound as before
and she learned that others can make choices of their own
without judgement and guilt looming over them every step of the way
her family never saw her again
she was alive and well but no one she knew from
the first 18 years of her life knew that
so they held a funeral
and her weeping mother read
"My Daughter Is A Proud Catholic Graduate"
and nothing in her future would stop her
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11. |
God It
04:05
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don't tell me you've got it
there's no solution to a planet of problem
don't tell me you want it
it's a logistical nightmare of trash you don't need to pile on
to make it worth it
you're not an Atlas with an unnamed complex
so don't make me regret it
cause I still don't really get it
your doctor says your scoliosis is making carrying the world on your back a lot harder
and every time you have another diatribe about yourself it makes a conversational non-starter
run faster not farther
your therapist warned you to never try to carry every barbell of the world on your shoulders
and everyone who knows a bit of Greek mythology will tell you to stop rolling that boulder
guesses getting colder still
don't tell me you're God It
lord of the cosmos and all that reside within
don't ask me to worship
no one should have that much control over others
don't tell me you're God It
I may be nervous but I'm sure it's not worth it
to believe your petty nonsense
even if your word is true
I'll never have faith in you
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12. |
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here we go
another loop around
feels like we've been here before
feels like we've been here before
another page
another cage
feels like we've been here before
and last time I forgot to lock the door
on my past catching me
future killing me
present, honestly it's not going that great
on my last turnaround
prospects plunging down
pick up the pieces for a puzzle too late
one day they're gonna make a film about me
by a no-name studio that no one's going to see
cast people you thought had died in 2003
merchandise as toys for backstock, sell it for free
here we are
hopeless and confused as lost
it's a chore
it's a bore
another day
no other way
feels like we've been here before
and it's been a while since I've vacuumed the floor
one day they're gonna hold a vigil for me
not because I mattered but it's fire for free
hold live cremation, come on, gather around
set my skin on fire as I'm brought to the ground
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13. |
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I know not where it comes from or how it finds me but it won't leave
one day I'll learn from my mistakes
but until then I'll just keep on suffering as planned
keep on singing/talking/laughing how I hate it
but when I'm called out all my answers are canned
I should probably be banned
and that's their right
I think they're right
from the patterns that duel me the most
defiled from "entertainer" to an unknown ghost
live not for passion but for furious demands
a future built for a never-ending series of dead ends
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14. |
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up before the crack of dawn
yell outside "get off my lawn"
scare the culprits into looking up
but firmly sitting down
ask to stay for a little while
I say "fine" but can't crack a smile
watch the crowds rush in for the kill
so long for my night sitting still
after a while I noticed one of them
started popping up everywhere I went
thought of it for much too long
but not enough to be so strong
as to ask her if she had a name
and if I indeed did the same
but I overheard in bleak dismissal
an angry fight over a girl named Crystal
some time later I ended up in her apartment
how exactly? doesn't matter, just that she wasn't in it
ground-floor view of the sidewalk in front
and here comes Crystal walking home
I laughed "no, holy shit" was all I could say
couldn't comprehend it much any other way
spent all night talking it out
we didn't gel but we didn't shout
sometimes I wonder what life would be like
if I actually knew this magical blonde
was just a dream, and not the most ideal
but it'd be more interesting than what I have going on
it's been ages since I woke up
with this vivid dream
don't think too hard, it's not that deep
we'll reunite when I fall asleep
good night
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15. |
Let's Dance
02:23
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when life is tired, you make it not so hard
to leave the bed, and get out of my head
the morning sun is like a moon compared to you
I wouldn't spend this evening anywhere else instead
it's too on the nose to say "let's dance"
but you ought to know exactly how I feel
you deserve a second chance
even if you don't know which emotions are real
this could be the only time we get
to be honest without thinking much of it
it's a night we'd never sure forget
so let's dance it away, who gives a
hit the road, with nothing but stars in our hearts carrying us along
for the ride, apart we are two but together we're one eye
could there be, many more nights not unlike this?
or should we just, savor this moment for what it is?
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16. |
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17. |
Labor Day
03:38
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closure is for people who deserve to know
and you for one sure as shit don't
it took too much to leave so little
but at least it seems you took the note
you declare a fake holiday
and devote it to those who'll never celebrate it
make awards for conversation
take them home without ever having to demonstrate it
I don't know what "salt of the earth" means
but I suppose in this sense you're just black pepper in hell
I'm not alone in this approach
but we could save the world from heat death if we buried you whole
and dropped your bones so deep into the earth
the temperatures would rise but you'd still feel cold
but would you notice then?
or would you get the management together again?
crack a fresh carved mirror to make that haircut look good
you can say "hate game not player" but you never should
and the sunsets look a little nicer today
if you had foresight you'd know it'd be your last hooray
a perfect world can be achieved
by building trust and running laps around your pathetic ass
and giving up on trying to hold such power
without putting on some elbow grease and eating your words
things run smoother when there's time to shut the whole thing down
things are easier when no one's pushing them around
things feel better when they're around good company
things won't kill you when you let them live (a little)
how has everyone not gouged your eyes out?
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18. |
A History Of The Road
02:27
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to seek a value in waking up
days too short, nights too rough
play it tough, again
see no future end
to seek a profit from waking up
when one road ends, another begins
no one tells you it's the same road
to tell a lie you know is true
it's all about how
it's all about, nothing to do
time doesn't care how you're pushed around down here
but maybe someone will, could, and that's the strongest fear
it holds on you
no one tells you it's the same damn road
no one tells you it's the same fucking road
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19. |
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I wonder if sometimes I'm dying but don't know it
regret too much to leave and god knows how I show it
a rest in peace would be nice for one but
I'd kinda like to wake up again
feel too old to be just lying around like this
but too young for it all to end
nothing is beautiful
so why do I let it hurt
and doom myself to fail
and never forget it?
would my life be better if I thought of love as more than a device?
everyone else seems to say it's the greatest thing but I've tried it out twice
nobody's perfect and we'll always make mistakes
but if the car you drove had a body count you wouldn't cut the brakes
shallowness is a humble trait, it allows one to adapt
when nothing holds the mind together, the body's never trapped
to be a canvas of personality would probably solve half my problems
but then I'd lose my identity and that would bring a few more on
something has lost the will to stay subsided
hold it inside my skin or be divided
how come I can't figure out what matters more? am I losing my depth?
a love I never want or a stateless state to keep me from early death?
I don't know what you think of me, and I don't think you should
but if you threw me in the driver's seat, we'd both be gone for good
I wish the moon could be a replacement for the sun
adjust to darkness or collapse into a gun
it's fun to wonder, like this is just a playground
like the night ain't deadly, where people are told to stay down
I wish I was more than what I have been given
but no projections makes it hard to be so driven
I wish I could be full grown and tower over fear
I wish I could be full blown and "pro-tag" out of here
and if we all started bleeding out of our eyes would we wonder why the world looked like the inside of an almost-beating heart, or just try to blink it away?
and if we all got heat stroke would we notice things were wrong?
or would we brush it off, like we always do, and keep walking along?
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20. |
Voicemail
01:03
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21. |
Wallpaper
12:45
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(Editor's note: The lyrics here were originally written in a notebook. They are presented here as they were written, not as they were read. The transcription took 45 minutes and 15 seconds.)
Five friends were out on a midnight ride. Long ago (or just a few hours) they had left their known world and had entered the realm of the unknown and unknowing. Did it matter that they knew not where they were? No, not really. They were bored, not explorers. Nonetheless, fate steered them into such a position.
After a surprisingly long time on the road, they ran out of gas. With no gas station in sight...actually, there wasn’t much of anything in sight. It wasn’t quite like the flatlands of Florida, but it was clearly empty. No man’s land...except for a single house no more than a quarter of a mile away from the now-empty car. Five friends headed for the house. It was better than starving to death or eating each other.
One friend knocks on the door. Immediately, a voice cuts through the shut door like a bullet through the skull.
V - What do you want?
F - We want a place to rest.
V - I have no spare beds
F - We don’t need the best.
V - What do you need?
F - Some food, to stay alive.
V - How many mouths to feed?
F - Five.
The voice opened the door. You know how you can tell someone’s British just by looking at them? He looked like that, but he spoke with a Midwestern drawl. Five friends wondered if they had found the 51st state. The voice introduces himself as Arthur, but his friends call him Henry. No friends ask why. He walks the friends around his house. It’s pretty normal. A living room with portraits and photos of his family. A kitchen with bundt pans on the wall. A family room with wallpaper constructed out of human and animal teeth. A bathroom with two sinks.
Eventually he brings the friends to a spare room he has. It’s not empty, just sparse. There’s a desk covered with notebook paper. It’s full of notes, but written in some sort of code so no one can read them. Five friends think nothing of this. They sleep on the floor.
The next morning, they’re awoken by the sound and smell of cooking. Eggs? Perhaps. Five friends walk into the kitchen to the sight of a new face. She asks if any of them have any food allergies. One friend is allergic to a very specific spice only available in Thailand. This is deemed irrelevant. The new face introduces herself as Harriett, but her friends call her Mona. One friend starts humming a song she once heard on the radio about “my sweet Harriett” or something. Five friends sit down to eat. As Mona cleans up the kitchen, the friends all notice there is so much product in her hair that it moves as one when she makes any swift action. It’s odd, but not unsettling. None of the friends can place her accent.
At around noon, Henry returns home from wherever he’d been.
H - Did everyone sleep well?
F - Not great but it was fine.
H - How was breakfast?
F - The eggs were good but not divine.
H - How’s the house?
F - Just like how you saw it last.
H - Anything else?
F - Where can we get gas?
Harry pauses for a bit. After some deliberation, he admits he doesn’t know. He says it’s a small enough town that no one has a car, so no one needs gas. He apologizes for the misfortune, and offers to let the friends stay in his house as long as they need. No one objects, although one friend requests a bed. Overhearing this, Mona offers to take the friends out to pick up some beds for the spare room. Again, no one objects.
Stepping outside for the first time in a while, five friends wonder how on Earth they’re going to find a store with beds within walking distance, since there’s nothing else in sight besides the house they just left, and their dead car. Mona assures them everything will be fine, and starts walking. Five friends notice she hasn’t stopped smiling since breakfast. It’s odd, but not unsettling.
After about 20 minutes of walking in silence, buildings start to appear. Not in the distance, but right up ahead. Foreseeing confusion, Mona explains that the area is intensely foggy. No one knows why but everyone has adapted. Soon enough, the party of six arrive at “Mattress House”, a mattress and bed store with a small eatery. Mona says hello to everyone she sees. She seems to know their names as well.
It doesn’t take long for five friends to find the sleeping bags. It’s admittedly noy what they had set out for, but logistically it made more sense. Before heading out, they grab a bite to eat.
Not wanting to waste the journey back, five friends decide to engage in conversation. It was the first time they’d really talked to each other since running out of gas, which wasn’t really that long ago but felt longer. Nothing really insightful here.
Upon returning home, the five friends dropped off their sleeping bags in the spare room. One friend claims the notebook paper looks different. They claim the code is different this time. No one thinks much of this, but everyone agrees the code looks different. The friends leave the spare room for the time being, and split up.
One friend (A) spent time in the living room, much like the spare room code, they recognize that not every portrait and photograph in the living room is of Henry and Mona. They assume it must be extended family. One photograph looks like a younger Mona, back during a time when her hair actually flowed in the wind.
Another friend (E) decided to check out the family room. Henry and Mona are in it, not talking.
E - Is everything okay in here?
H - Yeah, everything’s swell.
E - Are you sure? It’s kinda tense in here.
H - Yes, as far as I can tell.
E - This interior design is striking.
H - Thanks, we did it ourselves.
E - Where’d you find all these teeth?
No response. E was never one to approach anything as if it wasn’t normal, so he truly wasn’t being accusatory. Nonetheless, Henry seemed shaken. Mona broke the silence by explaining they were part of a collection. They’d been to a bone museum that was taking down an exhibit about teeth. Henry had impulsively asked if he could take the teeth off the museum’s hands, and the museum said “sure”. In a fit of inspired desperation, Henry had almost immediately fixed the teeth into the family room wallpaper. Mona noted that Henry doesn’t like to acknowledge the teeth but also refuses to take them down. Much like the fog, it’s just a fact of life now.
E finds this odd, but not unsettling. After the sun sets, the seven regroup for dinner. Henry cooks while Mona washes the product out of her hair. The food is okay enough. Mona comes back, looking significantly different. It’s also the first time five friends have seen her look anything other than ecstatic. Some of the friends wonder if the two are connected. After dinner, Henry and Mona ask the friends if they can have the spare room for about an hour. A wonders if it has to do with the code, but says nothing.
After a while, Henry and Mona retreat to their bedroom for the night. Five friends follow suit.
During the night, one friend (B) has a nightmare. She wakes up suddenly. Rather than fall back to sleep, she opts to explore the house some more. Whilst investigating a portrait that looks kind of like Henry, but not quite, she hears a loud crash. It would appear everyone else did too, as there are now a total of seven confused individuals gathered in the living room.
E - Do you know what that was?
H - An awful sound.
E - Do you know the cause?
H - Something underground.
E - How are you so sure?
H - The last owners showed us.
E - Who was here before?
H - They never told us.
Silence washed over the room like a shower on a full head of hair. Minutes passed. Then, another crash. Five friends, confused, intrigued, and furious, decided to follow the sound. Mona worriedly followed, leaving Henry alone to stew in his frustration.
Mona called out for the friends. They stopped, but demanded to know why they shouldn’t keep going. Mona admitted that she doesn’t like being in the basement alone. This time, A noticed the implication that Mona had been here before, and appropriately demanded to know what she knew. Mona was shaking enough to register on a Richter scale, so A wasn’t going to get their answer.
As the friends marched in, it looked as if Mona was going to have a breakdown. A kept asking what was in this basement. Mona kept shaking her head, at best muttering “I don’t know”. Light was a thing of the past by now. Eventually, one friend walked into a wall. Feeling it in the dark, they found a light switch. Understandably, they flicked it.
The fear in Mona’s eyes was incomparable. Five friends finally understood.
Before them lay an empty ballroom. Once upon a time, weddings might have been held here. There was writing on the walls that looked like the spare room codes. Now, there was nothing but architecture and space.
And a full gas canister. No sight of Henry though.
Five friends run faster than anyone had ever run, figuratively at least. Not bad for D in particular, who was holding the gas canister. Mona walked like a wraith.
Five friends left the house, to fill up their car. Henry and Mona followed them out, intending to keep this from ending on a sour note.
H - I’m sorry about the basement.
F - Sorry doesn’t cut it.
H - Would you like to take your sleeping bags home?
F - It’d be better if you shut it.
Mona burst into tears. Henry stared almost vacantly. Five friends paused. A line had been crossed. Their general anger was understandable, but Henry and Mona didn’t deserve this. It was clear they didn’t understand the ballroom either. It wasn’t their fault.
Five friends hugged Henry and Mona on their way out. Within a day of arriving, they were gone. The two parties would never interact again, but neither were forgotten.
They did, however, try to forget about the ballroom. And the teeth. It’s still weird that Henry and Mona had wallpaper constructed out of human and animal teeth.
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Hello Whirled Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Album count: 49.
Release count: 137.
Song count: 1447.
Hello Whirled has a lot of albums. You might like one of them.
※
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