history's made in the present
for futures that don't exist
decisions made for hope, forgiveness
and people that won't be missed
all of it forms an experience
a story of someone's life
birthing to burial stories
and drink to it every night

but what if it's all a farce?
and none of it's worth any value?
shrinking into a hole
where nothing receives light
submerged with the head of the K class
it searches for something right
gasps once for air, learning nothing
and vanishes out of sight

people I knew growing up
have taken journeys of their own
some haven't changed, and paid for it
some made a family home
boring and plain is an option
an easy way through the game
pleasant but not worth discussing
it starts to look all too same

who would want to live like that?
you did what you wanted but what you wanted was shit
who would want to die for that?
some words engraved and that's the last of it
who would want to live for that?
repetition and droning on
who would want to die like that?
playing every second wrong

like an endless vicious cycle
I still haven't learned to control mine
like a morphogenetic Bible
with all of the waste spared
it's still as good as dead
like a perpetual motion wheel
I want to feel nothing
just for a taste of the end
just to finally fucking feel
a meaningful change

so I don't feel like I'm floating in a cold sleep
on a shooting range
target couldn't be painted redder
just to not feel estranged

we can all sit around and watch me unravel
like yarn in the hands of a careless nurse
I'm losing wars to win a single battle
and acting surprised when it keeps getting worse

I think sometimes I long for a companion
someone to know will always be there
but at the thought of romantic relations
my eyes dart inward and my brain goes nowhere

may I be blessed to live my life
as a silent protagonist in a game you'll never play
leave the world to argue whether I should speak or not
deep down I know it's the right move
you won't like what I have to say

it's as the kids say - I belong in limbo
everything must remain
it's as my thoughts stay - I belong in limbo
nothing must ever change

all I wish, and nothing more, is that you please forget my name
in honor of my hopeless soul that's doomed to never do the same
I don't ask for death, I just want another life
to mend my ongoing mistakes and treat it all as a bad game
or maybe it's quite good, I wouldn't know it
if I could play it well I don't show it
I've been here 22 years and still haven't found the dev exit
there's no blood for me here
no violent signs of decay
just doomed to repeat disappointment
for every fucking day

so what's the point to it all?
I've tried a million things and I've done it all before
where do the dead ends come to life?
I've cried a thousand times and I'll die a thousand more
and her flaming absence burns
golden opportunities that had to wait
her flaming absence burns
a gently crumbling state
each step takes defeating
a history worth repeating